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Bonfire of the Equities

There's a scene from "Saving Private Ryan" just after the Americans establish a foothold on Normandy Beach against the Germans. A group of American soldiers fights to the rear entrance of a German pillbox, and one of them sticks a flamethrower through the door and douses the Nazi soldiers inside in flames. The viewer then sees the pillbox ignite from the point of view of the soldiers on the beach. One of these soldiers looks back to some unseen comrades and shouts: "Don't shoot! Let 'em burn!" We then witness German infantrymen tumbling out of the pillbox, shadowy silhouettes enveloped in fire, and it's left to the imagination how horrible their suffering is before they expire.

Something about the current financial crisis, in a perverse and unfair way that I should not have to elaborate on, reminds me of that scene. Even if many of us Americans do not feel complicit or guilty, we know this means there is something deeply wrong and perverse with our country. We watch thousands of men and women and trillions of bad dollars burn, but what will we get if we pull the trigger on them? And what comes next if we only watch?

Ludicrous Service with a Smile

It's smart to avoid performing laborious deeds while someone else who, although perfectly capable of it themselves, tells you what an honor and pleasure it is to be laboring so hard.

Tom Sawyer bamboozling his foolish friends into whitewashing that picket fence for him is a great example. Not only did Tom avoid doing any work, he got 12 marbles and an assortment of other goodies, or what passed for goodies in the mid-19th century, from those same woolly-headed friends of his because they were so grateful to be swiping a paintbrush across wooden clapboards over and over.

Such situations usually present themselves whenever someone says to you: "It's so wonderful and cool for you to do X." Well, what is X? Why is it wonderful and cool? Is it hard? And above all, why aren't you doing it?

Most people like to think they would never be tricked into such ridiculous expenditures of precious time and effort. But in fact it happens fairly often in everyday life.

Consider: I naturally think you should feel privileged to be reading this and giving my writing your attention. I could just as easily keep these thoughts privately in a diary but have chosen to inflict them on the public. And you have just spent indubitably valuable time reading this for no tangible gain!

Couch Potato Headcase

When people who have never run for political office give condescending or impatient advice about when a candidate should quit or be graceful in defeat, it carries the same weight as a baseball fan watching the game on TV shouting at the pitcher: "You should've thrown that fastball inside!"

Maybe so. But you try it!

Those who are intelligent, ambitious and personally successful - in short, many of the people who take a keen interest in politics - should know that it sucks to lose. Picture someone frantically sharpening a wooden spoon and then stabbing at the air in comic stacatto sequences as their rivals loom over them triumphantly. That's what many people in many situations are reduced to mentally as they try to avoid defeat!
For centuries, Jews have been viewed as the ultimate exploitative capitalists. Then, thanks to Karl Marx, they were viewed as the quintessential communists. Finally, thanks to Israel, they have transformed into almighty imperialists.

Has the world finally run out of new Jewish stereotypes?

Of course, some people, somehow, view them as a paradoxical Melting Pot of all three. These people ought to be confused and ashamed but they are not.

Knock off the Back Seat Driving!

Is Barack Obama's candidacy historic? Yes! But people are already looking in the rear view mirror when the windshield still needs attention.

Here's the point: the same people who are calling his nomination "historic" will neglect posterity if he loses in November. The same folks who are talking about Obama fulfilling the legacy of Civil Rights will probably be shouting "Loser!" if he comes up short against John McCain. If he falls in November, some other day, a black man will run for president and win. Then what exactly will Obama's legacy be? Nobody knows.

Obama may be an unusual kind of politician, but posterity ultimately cares about winning and losing.

Unless You're Michael Vick

From Rev. John Hagee, another pastor who has been rejected and denounced by a national politician, on what will happen if you devote your life to Jesus Christ:

"Your dog will not run and hide from you anymore when you come home."


This is by far the most unusual thing I've heard Hagee say. Set aside your outrage or amusement over his comments, which were somewhat predictable, about Nazis and Catholics. Usually when Southern pastors refer to everyday life, they talk about wealth and possessions, and how God wants you to deal with them. But the concrete reference to the household pet, and how even a lovable pooch will respond favorably to your acceptance of the Christian faith, was fascinating, even if it made Hagee seem a little like Dr. Doolittle. 

From the Father of the Atomic Bomb

"But perhaps only a malignant end can follow the systematic belief that all communities are one community; that all truth is one truth; that all experience is compatible with all other; that total knowledge is possible; that all that is potential can exist as actual. This is not man's fate; this is not his path; to force him on it makes him resemble not that divine image of the all-knowing and all-powerful but the helpless, iron-bound prisoner of a dying world." - American Prometheus

Magnolia Lyrics - Mississippi Sheiks

Pack up my suitcase, give me my hat
No use to ask me babe, because I'll never be back

Call Sherlock Holmes...On My Blackberry!

Personal technology today is about projecting a superior and somewhat mysterious image to strangers, at least as much or even more so than actual convenience.

A Blackberry for most people is completely unnecessary. But if you hold one ponderously next to your ear, it prompts some to think: "What complex and shadowy task requires an electronic device with so many buttons?"

It is odd to see slovenly, snaggle-toothed people sitting at Applebee's with Bluetooth devices in their ears. If these folks use it in the car, okay. But is eating a cheesesteak with two hands so crucial that you need a hands-free device to talk on the phone? And if there is some looming crisis that may require you to be near the phone with your hands completely unoccupied, why are you sitting in a chain diner?

Nothing Like Scorning a Woman!

Without resorting to epithets or conspiracy theory, can anyone say anything about Hillary Clinton that prompts a storm of protest? Haven't people run out of ways to say "I'm tired of the bitch!" over 20 column inches of school marm prose?

The spasms of outrage over Clinton have taken up as much media space as the run-up to the Iraq War.

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